Distracted Parents In The Age of Screens: How To Model Phone Behaviours For Kids

Studies say parenting is now more difficult than it was 20 years ago, with the rise of smartphones partly to blame. Here’s how to deal with it.

The age of screens has given birth to a new breed of parents: distracted, frazzled and barely there. While we already know the dangers of excessive screen time on children, the tough truth is that smartphone fixation hits parents just as hard. After all, if you can’t put your phone down, why should kids?

But before spiraling into a frenzy of parental guilt, let us be clear—parents are allowed to use smartphones around their children. In fact, smartphones can be a way to be better parents if used intentionally. 

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The problem occurs when routine scrolling, sometimes mindlessly, interrupts actual interactions between parents and their child. Think of this: You are at the dinner table and instead of having a conversation with your kids, you are glued to your phone, maybe squeezing in a short me time after a tiring day at work.

Researchers call this phenomenon “technoference,” a portmanteau of technology and interference. It happens when gadgets get in the way of physically interacting with family members. 

A study by Preply published in August found that 6 in 10 Hongkongers admit to being addicted to their smartphones. Notably, over 95% of parents who participated in the survey said they use phones to keep their child entertained so they can have their personal time. But while raising a human being has always been a toughie since the pre-gadgets era, several studies show that parenting is now much harder than it was decades ago. A study by Pew Research Center in 2020 found that two-thirds of parents in the U.S. believe being a parent in this age is harder than it was 20 years ago, mainly because of technology and social media. So how can you model healthy gadget habits for your children?

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Being more present with children in the age of technology

Children are great mimics. If you want your kid to practice restraint with devices, you should lead the way by:

• Whenever possible, keep your phone away when spending time with kids. Out of sight, out of mind. We know too well the unconscious habit of picking up the phone when a notification buzzes. Cut the cord by allowing uninterrupted moments of interactions.
• Establish a tech-free zone. It can be at the dinner table or in the living room during your family’s game night. Alternatively, you can also set specific times of day when no one is allowed to touch the phone, for example during mealtime. Create an environment where the family can fully interact without the micro-distractions.
• Have a shared experience with gadgets. With the right balance, screen time can be a beneficial experience for the family. You can watch educational videos together or explore apps that can stimulate your child’s creativity. 
• Do not underestimate the power of explaining. Parents are restless creatures. It’s almost as if we always have to be in two places at the same time. If you really need to answer that message or pick up that call, explain to your child that you will take care of something important but will be back right away to focus on them again. This will help them understand that while you are occupied with something, they are still your priority.

We’ve all been in that situation where we’re fixated on the phone while our kids play at the park. It doesn’t make us bad parents. But it does highlight the importance of being there and of being intentional about the way we use our phone. When we set aside our devices and engage intentionally with our children, we can strengthen our connections for lasting memories. After all, that buzz can wait.

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