It Ends With Us: Tackling Domestic Violence In Hong Kong

When love turns ugly… whom do you turn to for help if you’re facing domestic violence and sexual abuse in Hong Kong?

Fans of romance books know and love Colleen Hoover. And when her 2016 novel, It Ends With Us (soon to be released as a film in Hong Kong), was first published, they lapped it up. Hoover describes it as the hardest novel she’s ever written because it’s based on the relationship between her mother and father… and let’s just say, it’s no fairytale romance. It touches on the gritty, heart-wrenching topic of domestic violence and emotional abuse.

No matter how much we may want to look away, domestic abuse is a reality all over the world and Hong Kong is no exception. Often the victim isn’t even aware or refuses to accept the reality of abuse at home. If you’re facing domestic abuse in Hong Kong, know someone who is or suspect child abuse behind closed doors, please do not look away. Remember, it ends with us!

Read More: 5 Relationship Books To Improve Your Love Life

The Incidence Of Domestic Violence In Hong Kong

As per government reports based on police figures, there was a close to 10% increase in cases of domestic violence cases last year in Hong Kong, with 1,235 in total. But as Sisi Liu Pui Shan, Director of the Hong Kong Federation of Women’s Centres Limited, points out, these are the only reported cases. As per the organisation’s earlier service reports, up to 33% of domestic violence cases are often not reported the first time it occurs. Usually, the victim is grappling with shock, societal pressure, fear or irreversible consequences and they worry about the impact on their children (if they are involved) preferring to stay silent. It’s only when circumstances are so bad that they feel there is a point of no return and take the extreme step of reporting it to the police.

The cases that are generally reported to the police are of physical domestic violence but Ms Liu clarifies that domestic abuse can also involve psychological violence, such as intimidation and goading, and sexual violence which could be anywhere from rape to obscene demands and language, illegal or non-consensual recordings, etc.

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Child Abuse In Hong Kong

Domestic abuse is not only between married or intimate partners. Sometimes, the victims of the abuse at home are the children. 1,394 child abuse cases were recorded in 2023. Of these, 696 cases were of child sexual abuse. RainLily, an organisation that works to fight sexual crimes in Hong Kong cautions that 88% of under 16-year-old sexual abuse cases in the city involved a perpetrator that is known to the child survivor (could be parent, sibling, relative,  friend, or peer but not a stranger). It’s a chilling statistic to know that children in Hong Kong could face domestic sexual abuse more often than we care to admit.

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What To Do If You Suspect A Case Of Domestic Or Child Abuse?

Ms Liu asks us not to turn a blind eye, even though it is an uncomfortable topic to broach.

Do not NOT do anything. Talk to the victim. Encourage her to seek help and alert social workers.

Sometimes, all a person needs is some encouragement to know that they are not completely alone in this scenario.

When it comes to children, it can be more difficult to spot signs of domestic abuse and/or sexual abuse. Psychological abuse is tougher to spot, but often comes to attention if children are being violent themselves, withdrawn, etc. Contact child counsellors, school authorities and trained social worker professionals to draw the child out with tactics like drawing and journaling to learn more about what is happening at home. If there is physical abuse, it will probably be visible on the body.

As parents, you may have to be vigilant about signs of sexual abuse in your children (which could be by a member of the family or even at school). RainLily recommends that parents read this procedural guide on protecting children from maltreatment.

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What Should You Do If Your Child Has Faced Sexual Abuse?

Despite knowing what to watch out for, RainLily says that child sexual abuse most often depends on self-disclosure of the child. Therefore, it is important to establish a safe and trusting environment for children to disclose the incident by making topics of sex education, consent, allowing kids to set body boundaries, etc. a norm at home.

If a child discloses an experience of sexual violence, acknowledge the incident and validate how they feel about what happened.

• Never downplay the harm.
• Listen actively and avoid asking questions that start with WHY. This is important because we have to understand that undertones matter in whatever we ask and say following a disclosure even if the questions are of good intention.
• Reassure the children that what happened was not their fault.
• Ensure safety of the child, provide available options and resources.
• Respect their autonomy and decision-making to avoid re-traumatisation.
• Don’t quickly jump to the conclusion of having to make a report or calling the police immediately, understand further on what is the need of the survivors at the moment.

After that, assess the situation. If the child is in imminent danger or faces an acute threat, contact the Social Welfare Department / A&E / Police. The safety of the child should always be the immediate priority, as well as their emotional needs, even before proceeding with legal procedures. Follow this guideline for more clarity.

Read More: How To Recognise And Prevent Child Sexual Abuse

What Should You Do If You Are Facing Domestic Violence In Hong Kong?

If you’re facing domestic violence and it could be life-threatening, the first point of action should be to remove yourself and the children from the situation and go to a safe place. Remember that reporting to the police is the first entry point to seek justice through the judicial method. Most women worry about whether they will be in further danger as the case is being disputed. However, once it is a police case, the woman (and perhaps the children, if they are of a certain age) will be the witness and will receive police protection. The defendant will be kept away from the children. The police will not allow the abuser to go home, so they will ensure the safety of the accuser.

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Organisations In Hong Kong That Can Help Victims Of Domestic Abuse

1. Hong Kong Federation of Women’s Centres

• Counselling and Case Work
• Women’s Relief and Support Fund
• Women’s Helpline: 2386 6255

2. Harmony House, Jockey Club Harmony Link Domestic Violence Prevention Centre

• Free Short-Term Refuge Service
• Individual and Group Counselling
• Educational and Developmental Activities
• 24-hour Woman Hotline Services: 2522 0434

3. Tung Wah Group of Hospitals, Multi-purpose Crisis Intervention and Support Centre (CEASE Crisis Centre):

• 24-hour immediate outreaching and crisis intervention services
• Immediate follow-up / outreaching services
• Short-term accommodation and appropriate support services
• 24-hour hotline: 18281

4. Caritas Family Service, Family Crisis Support Centre

• Live-in Service
• Drop-in Service
• In-house Group
• Volunteer Service
• Community Education Service
• Hotline Service: 18288

5. Po Leung Kuk Refuge Centres for Women

• Temporary accommodation and support services
• 24- hour Hotline: 8100 1155

6. Tsui Lam Centre of Po Leung Kuk

• Provides information
• Emotional support
• Escort service
• Contact: 2894 8896

Read More: Where To Find Counsellors, Psychologists And Therapists In Hong Kong